be ruthless with the light / by Chrislyn Lawrence

Finally, I begin. I begin finally where I remember I have been, perhaps always - roving over and over the things people say and do and how things look once the light comes. The darkness before dawn can feel utterly alone. Silent in its noise, the light too can feel unbearable. But I also remember the cosmic surge that comes from a lonely lit-up pause - when I listen to that moment as it seems I’ve never listened before…….and I hear - “Beloved. You have the power to step away from the illusion that is breaking your heart. You have the power. You can build the fire. You are ready, you are the one. You are love. Move beyond limitation.”  

I don’t normally encourage ruthlessness. I prefer mercy and compassion always, in every situation. Almost. Meditating this morning, an exception to this rule crept up -  Being ruthless is necessary to battle the crippling woes of humanity. Ruthless re-learning of perfection, of fear, of the fear of ____. 

One of my favorite words and modalities is deconstruction. Deconstruction is the coming to terms with something, often by turning something on its side - be it the necessity of dying or literature (Jacques Derrida) or heart break, even questions like “how do we feed a hungry person?” I encourage you to join me in a ruthless quest - deconstruct the voices of authority that say we must arrive at wholeness by only one path. Deconstruct the fear that rises up inside as you ponder voicing an idea to solve a problem, deconstruct the quickened pulse as you imagine yourself creating what you’ve drawn out in your notebook over and over, different and yet always the same, deconstruct the naysayers to a different way to completeness and draw strength from what comes from that pause. And by all means, deconstruct societal voices that tell you whatever you are doing is not “right.” Go live life fully, expanding outside the lines on your terms. There is no right way, only what is right for you and if you’re clear in your intent and lead with love, your way will allow others to do the same. See yourself, see the eyes of that child who wanted to color the trees blue and the sky red and wear a sword on her back with mud smudges instead of makeup and spend the night with the forrest and tell her it’s okay. Tell her she is perfect. Come to terms with the outside forces that plague your inner peace and learn to tune them out by deconstructing the idea that you ‘should-be’ anything other than exactly who you are. 

Will you meditate on the possibilities of ruthless compassion for yourself? Be ruthless with doubt and oppression of your heart and mind. Be ruthless in your love for another. Be ruthless voicing truth. By all means, be ruthless with the light.